{"id":146,"date":"2025-05-16T19:23:30","date_gmt":"2025-05-16T19:23:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thecynicalpatriot.com\/?p=146"},"modified":"2025-06-10T20:00:37","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T20:00:37","slug":"episode-two-wormhole-roulette-or-the-one-where-julian-almost-dies-from-a-lizard-bite","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thecynicalpatriot.com\/?p=146","title":{"rendered":"Episode Two: Wormhole Roulette Or: The One Where Julian Almost Dies From A Lizard Bite"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Julian Fog stared at the flashing nav screen, espresso bulb in one hand and a death wish in the other.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, Mollie,\u201d he said, propping his boots on the console and pointing at the strange swirling mass of colorful gases and crackling bolts of light on the forward display, \u201chow unstable is it really?\u201d<\/p>\n

M.O.L.L.I.E. replied with her usual dry bite. \u201cThe wormhole\u2019s gravitational corridor is fluctuating by twenty-two percent and collapsing every 48 seconds. Entering it would be equivalent to trying to backstroke through the Sanovian Swamp in a lizard suit during the crocosaur mating season.\u201d<\/p>\n

Julian sipped. \u201cSo\u2026 not a no.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the corner, Z1N the robot samurai was tightening the straps on a crash harness made from old seatbelts and a kind of silvery tape.<\/p>\n

Z1N: \u201cCaptain, I have consulted the prophecies in my core memory. They say: \u2018The path to victory must traverse swamps of great peril.\u2019 I recommend we proceed immediately.\"<\/p>\n

Julian: \u201cZin, those aren\u2019t prophecies. Those are your corrupted startup logs.\u201d<\/p>\n

Z1N (nodding): \u201cWisdom is wisdom wherever it is found, Captain.\u201d<\/p>\n

Julian: \"And what's with all the swamp references? We're passing through the Kraven-13 wormhole, not the swamp bogs of Sanovia\"<\/p>\n

M.O.L.L.I.E. chimed in again. \u201cJulian, you\u2019re being tracked by three bounty ships, closing in fast. I recommend evasive maneuvers, NOT suicidal stunts into swirling space swamps.\u201d<\/p>\n

Julian pointed at the swirling mass of chaos on the screen. \u201cThis isn\u2019t a stunt. This is a shortcut. A bold, handsome, wildly adventurous shortcut...through a WOOOOORMHOOOOOLE,\" Julian dragged the word out dramatically.\u00a0 \"NOT A SWAMP!\" he clipped. \"This will drop us right into the Astoria 4 Sector where all the lucrative contracts are.\"<\/p>\n

The ship shuddered as incoming fire raked across the shields.<\/p>\n

Julian: \u201cAnd that sounded like the signal to get the frazz out of here and that wormhole looks like the best option.\u201d<\/p>\n

M.O.L.L.I.E.: \u201cFine. Initiating Wormhole Roulette Protocol. May I suggest updating your will?\u201d<\/p>\n

Julian (grinning): \u201cI leave all my debts to Larkon.\u201d Julian smashed the big red button and jammed the throttle lever forward. \"Hang on to your space cookies, boys and girls!\"<\/p>\n

The ship lunged toward the swirling death trap and then began to sprial toward the center in a looping arc. A loud POP! Everything went pitch black for a moment. A Crackling, Buzzing...then FLASH! CRACK! A blinding white light enveloped them.<\/p>\n

Moments Later: Inside the Wormhole<\/h3>\n
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