It’s not uncommon to hear pastors declare from the pulpit of our churches, “We love people.” It’s on banners, websites, and mission statements. It’s echoed during food drives, clothing giveaways, and outreach events. And yet, often behind the scenes—in staff meetings, private conversations, or even from the stage in moments of unscripted frustration—that love can vanish.
The same voice that blesses the hungry can berate the an associate pastor. The same hands that deliver groceries to the poor can point fingers in anger at a volunteer. The same mouth that proclaims the mercy of Christ can mock and demean those sitting in the pews.
This disconnect isn’t just unfortunate. It’s spiritually damaging.
It is remarkably easy to love “people” in the abstract. “People” don’t talk back. “People” don’t need grace for their specific weaknesses. “People” are theoretical, faceless. But real people—those in our offices, homes, and pews—require something deeper: sacrificial, active, incarnate love.
"If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar.” — 1 John 4:20
Love that cannot be expressed to those standing right in front of us is not love at all. It’s branding. It’s theater. It may serve a mission statement, but it does not reflect the Gospel.
When leaders become enamored with public image over private character, the church suffers. Ministry becomes performance. Kindness becomes PR. And slowly, a culture of fear and control can grow beneath a banner of love.
Jesus confronted this exact dynamic in the religious leaders of His day:
“But all their works they do for to be seen of men...” - Matthew 23:5
He didn’t just call it wrong. He called it dangerous. Hypocrisy at the top poisons the body below. Staff members walk on eggshells. Congregants grow cynical. Some leave the church. Others stay and become numb.
At the core of this contradiction is not just a lack of manners—it’s a lack of formation. A spiritually mature leader reflects the fruit of the Spirit in their private moments as well as their public messages. When pastors rage, belittle, or manipulate, it often reveals unhealed wounds, unchecked pride or misplaced identity.
Paul wrote:
“And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient…” - 2 Timothy 2:24
That includes everyone—from the worship leader to the janitor, from the sound tech to the critic in the fourth row. Leadership without kindness is not biblical leadership. It is power masquerading as piety.
When people are told “you are loved” but are treated as disposable, they don’t just lose trust in a leader—they often lose trust in the church, and sometimes even in God. That’s not just a failure. That’s a form of spiritual abuse.
Jesus did not come to create a brand. He came to reconcile hearts. He came to shepherd, not to dominate. He came to serve, not to be served.
“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” - John 13:35
Not if you say you love. If you show it.
If you are a leader, let this be a mirror, not a weapon. Ask yourself:
- Do I love people, or do I love the idea of being seen as someone who loves people?
- Do my staff feel valued around me?
- Do I speak to my congregation with tenderness or sarcasm?
- Would those closest to me describe me as loving?
If the answer convicts you—thank God. Conviction is a gift. It is the first breath of revival.
And if you are someone who has been wounded by this kind of hypocrisy—know this: Jesus sees. He was direct to the religious elite, but He never mocked the weak. He never used people for influence. He washed feet. He wept with the broken. He still does.
Let us be people who don’t just declare love, but practice it—especially when no one is watching.
